Deliberate Receiving Read online

  Belief systems of emotional group 5: HOPE

  Emotions: Hope, optimism, contentment, gratitude

  Spectrum location: Between FRUSTRATION and ENTHUSIASM

  Level of empowerment: The power still lies with some outside source (like the Universe or God), but it’s doled out fairly. There’s a system, and we believe that we can and will figure it out.

  This is the first level of empowerment, after crossing the Zero Point threshold. Getting something we want is not only possible, it happens frequently (we have examples!) and there’s no price. It’s no longer about deserving or being worthy, because we know (at least to some degree) that we are. Things are going to be OK, even if we’re not yet sure how.

  The HOPE group is basically the opposite of the FRUSTRATION group. Whereas in FRUSTRATION, you believe that it’s possible to get what you want, in HOPE, you actually begin to believe that you will. This is when you actively begin to look forward to your future (the future is bright). This is when you feel optimistic. You have a feeling that good things are coming your way. You may still have doubts, but you spend more time thinking of how things will work out than fearing that they won’t.

  The only danger in this group is that we tend to settle for it, having believed for years that the goal was simply to get to the Zero Point. Once we experience some actual pleasure, we can become afraid of losing that pleasure and sliding back down the Spectrum. A fear of pain can actually cause us to revert to a painful state. This is where an understanding of the Spectrum and how things manifest can come in super handy. If you know what causes you to slide up and down that Spectrum, then it is within your control; you can’t and won’t be afraid that such a downward slide will simply happen randomly. In other words, once you cross the threshold, the world is no longer a random place. Bad stuff doesn’t just happen to you any more, it comes as a result of something you have control over – your focus. And instead of blaming yourself for having manifested something unwanted, you take responsibility for your focus and simply change it.

  This is why blame and responsibility aren’t even close to the same thing, even though people stuck in the lower part of the Spectrum will perceive them to be (when they hear ‘it’s your responsibility’, they hear ‘it’s your fault’).

  Blame is the emotion you feel when you’re trying to take control from a place of powerlessness. Responsibility is taking control from a place of empowerment.

  When you take responsibility, you believe that you will actually get the outcome you want. When you blame, you’re merely trying to avoid the outcome you don’t want. Remember that in this part of the Spectrum, we’re no longer focused on minimizing pain, but on maximizing pleasure.

  Belief systems of emotional group 6: ENTHUSIASM

  Emotions: Enthusiasm, positive expectation, appreciation

  Spectrum location: Between HOPE and JOY

  Level of empowerment: The power lies within me, and I am helped by a benevolent outside source (God, the Universe). I am able to attract anything I want.

  The emotions in the ENTHUSIASM group represent a knowledge that things are always working out. Things are happening FOR you, not TO you. You will get what you want and you’re looking forward to it.

  In this emotional group, you begin to see yourself as the centre of the power, while the Universe, or God, or other people help you out. It’s a much more collaborative effort. Whereas in HOPE, you tend to say things like ‘stuff always happens for a reason’, while still thinking, at least to some degree, that this reason is determined by someone outside of yourself (albeit a benevolent force), in ENTHUSIASM you start to understand that it really is a mechanical construct, and you are fully in charge of getting what you want. Things do happen for a reason, and it’s always a good one, one that serves you, one that gets you closer to what you want. You are in charge of determining what you want and you will get it.

  Whereas in HOPE, you’re beginning to believe that you will get what you want, in ENTHUSIASM you expect to. You understand that even when something manifests that seems to be unwanted, it’s only there as a messenger, there to move you in a direction you’ve been resisting, but a direction in which you want to go. This is where your dreams become really fun, even and especially the big ones. You no longer worry too much about being realistic, about dreaming within your limitations. You allow your imagination to run wild, to bring you visions of playing a much, much bigger role than anything you’ve imagined before.

  This is precisely why people often get scared and slide back down the Spectrum, however. When we get a glimpse of just how powerful, spectacular and grand we are, it can shake us up. Sure, we may not be totally powerless any more (we’ve moved on from that), but can we really be this awesome? Can we really have lives filled not just with contentment, but also with bliss? This is where most of us find out just how uncomfortable dreaming big can be. This is also where fears of being labelled as (or actually being) crazy, or having delusions of grandeur come in. But think of this: the only difference between someone shouting, ‘I’m going to be president!’ being shunned as a nutcase or embraced as a visionary, is whether or not that person actually becomes president. We’re so quick to shut down anyone with a big dream. Until they make it. Then, suddenly, we knew all along that they were something special.

  Everyone who ever changed the world in their own way, everyone who ever accomplished huge dreams had to, at one point in their lives, make the decision to stop caring completely about what others thought, and just go for it. It’s in the ENTHUSIASM group that we become truly free. We no longer live our lives for others, but fully for ourselves. We understand that we will benefit the world much more by focusing on our own joy, on living our own big dreams and by inspiring others to their own full empowerment, than by keeping ourselves small.

  This is also where we begin to see solutions everywhere. We see the economy changing for the better (not just recovering, but morphing into a whole, new and improved system). We see the innovation, the inventions, the technology that’s fuelling faster and faster evolution, we become aware of all the people in the world who already get it, who are already working towards a brighter future. We see the kindness and the joy that’s rampant, and we celebrate it. We see the rebellion that’s taking our society out of powerlessness, and we celebrate that, too. We understand and perceive that the world is getting better and better and we begin to see how we can participate fully in that evolution. We begin to understand why we’re really here.

  Belief systems of emotional group 7: JOY

  Emotions: Love, passion, joy, full empowerment, celebration

  Spectrum location: At the very top, from where it just gets better and better and better to infinity.

  Level of empowerment: Fully empowered: the power lies within me and the Universe is my mechanical servant. I am the power, the Universe, God, etc. I am ALL THAT IS. I am the game and the player.

  At this level of empowerment, there is no doubt whatsoever that you will get what you want. You trust completely that everything will always work out, and you relax into that knowledge, content just to the wave of awesomeness. You have no need to control anything. The process of realizing your newly spawned desires has been fully automated and you simply go with the flow, enjoying each and every moment (in the NOW) as fully as possible.

  Before I explain full empowerment to the best of my ability (this is where words really start to fail us), let me reiterate that this is a Spectrum, and no part of the Spectrum is bad or good. There is only what we prefer and what we don’t prefer, what we want, and what we don’t want. Being in JOY is not objectively better than being in DEPRESSION, it’s just another destination on the Spectrum, and one that you might want to choose. But because this is a Progression, you can’t continuously stay in JOY. The second you make it to that ‘destination’, you’ll spawn another desire. You’ll identify some way to make it even better, not because you’re dissatisfied with where you are, but because you’re always striving for
more awesomeness.

  Let’s say that you become a master at something, like playing tennis. You practise every day and observe your improvement. That makes you feel happy. Then, you start to win matches. That makes you happy. Then, you go up against tougher and tougher opponents, and so on. No matter what level you accomplish, you keep looking for the next challenge. You want to play against more skilled athletes, play matches in front of bigger crowds and for bigger prizes. You may even seek out extreme conditions to play in, such as the desert or high elevations, in order to create more challenges for yourself. If you run out of challenges in tennis, you might well start again with a new sport that excites you. The thing that brings you joy today will feel boring tomorrow.

  Some people will read this and will want to argue that this doesn’t sound joyful at all. It sounds more like running on a hamster wheel, never quite being satisfied with where you are. But this is a conclusion we would come to when holding a perspective from the lower end of the Spectrum. You see it only feels like a hamster wheel when you don’t get what you want and don’t believe that you will ever really get what you want. This is powerlessness. When you truly are getting what you want, and then get the next thing you want and so on, it doesn’t feel like a hamster wheel at all. It feels more like being at an amusement park where you’re enjoying the ride you’re on and also looking forward to the next one. The difference between the hamster wheel and the amusement park is this: are you doing something you want to be doing as you move towards your next goal, or are you paying some kind of price?

  In the JOY group, you completely and fully trust in the construct of the game, in your ability to get what you want and in the automated process that will deliver it to you. You no longer worry about anything; you simply go with the flow, knowing that everything that happens to you is taking you there. I call this state ‘riding the wave’. It’s like you’re surfing a huge wave, one that you know you have the ability to stay on even if it’s challenging, and your only work is to keep your balance and enjoy the ride. Of course, in order to relax fully and enjoy that ride, you can’t be afraid of possibly falling off. This fear makes you slide right back down the Spectrum. It’s based on the belief that falling off would be a bad thing (it’s not), will be painful (it doesn’t have to be) and that it will be difficult to get back on (it also doesn’t have to be).

  All of us have experienced this state of flow at some point in life. It’s when we are so immersed in a joyful moment that we forget to worry about anything. These are often what we call the ‘peak moments’ of our lives; seeing your baby for the first time, the second you find out you got that huge promotion, falling in love, etc. These peak moments don’t have to be few and far between. We can spend much more time in JOY than we currently do. But our goal should never be to spend 100 per cent of our time there. We have to allow for the dips, at least to some degree, in order to make our continued evolution possible. By noticing that the awesomeness has waned, we can determine what we’d now like to focus on to get to that awesome level again (and again, and again…). If we don’t notice that the awesomeness has waned, it will continue to feel more and more boring, and will, eventually become painful, until we realize that we’ve stagnated and haven’t allowed ourselves to move forwards. The good news is that when you spend most of your time in the upper end of the Spectrum, when you trust more in your ability to get what you want than the random horribleness of a powerless world, you won’t dip into depression or huge displays of anger. You’ll become more like that toddler, able to shift quickly and easily through the emotional Spectrum. With no more suppressed energy, you’ll feel twinges of annoyance and frustration, instead of rage and depression. Your emotions will truly become your friends – valuable messengers that help you get what you want.

  You may have noticed that I spent a great deal more time explaining the lower end of the Spectrum. There’s a reason for this: people generally don’t have any issues moving from an awesome life to an even more awesome one. Once you’ve climbed up the mountain and have gotten a better view, continuing that climb to an even better one isn’t that hard. But when you’re in the valley, when you’re in the fog, when you haven’t seen a solution in so long you’ve forgotten that they exist, that’s when a tour guide can come in handy. When you’re on the mountaintop, a map is interesting but not really necessary. When you’re still looking for the mountain, a map can be a lifesaver.

  Chapter 9

  Awareness – What You Really Want and How You Actually Feel

  Crossing the threshold into empowerment entails and requires becoming conscious of the fact that it’s a game and we are in control of our holographic realities. We have to become aware of our focus, our feedback systems and our manifestations. This is easier said than done. Most people have no idea what they really want (oh, they often think they do, but they really don’t) or how they really feel. Without this awareness, however, we can’t become fully awake or fully empowered. We can’t move out of the fog. So, if you are unaware, and I promise you that you are at least to some degree (we all are), how can you create that awareness? How can you notice something that you’re not noticing? And what about if you are aware of your emotions to a degree, but have a habit of going with the worse-feeling option, anyway?

  Becoming aware of how you feel

  In the analogy of entering a bad neighbourhood and eventually meeting the finger-snapping hoodlums, you had a feeling of doubt when you first went down the wrong road, but intellectually overrode it. You checked the directions and decided in that moment to put more trust in the person who gave you the directions than your own gut. This is exactly how it is in the real world. You’ll often have a bad feeling about something, an inkling that lets you know you’re about to do something you really don’t want to do – something that won’t lead you to what you want, but you’ll override it with your logical mind. Whenever you make that decision, you are ignoring the messenger. Do you have to go down that road in order to know that it really is the wrong way? Well, yes, you do. In order to gain the understanding that your gut was right all along, you’ll have to have at least a few experiences where you can see a correlation between your emotions and the outcome. You felt bad right from the start and, low and behold, the situation really didn’t work out well. Once you’ve had such an experience a few times, however, it is possible to see a pattern, and decide to trust that feeling. And many people almost do that! They exclaim ‘I knew this was a bad idea!’ when the shit hits the fan. You just knew that relationship or job wasn’t going to work out. But if you knew that, then why did you go down that road anyway? The answer is threefold:

  First, you trust more in the ugly road than the pretty one (hell, many of us can’t even see the pretty one, because we don’t believe it exists). So, it’s a case of better the devil you know, because who’s to say that the pretty road won’t turn even uglier than the ugly road, eh? Weren’t we taught to be careful what we wish for, to beware of the wolf in sheep’s clothing and that everything comes at a price? Most people in the world today have been trained to put WAY more trust in the idea of things working out in the worst possible way than in the idea of things working out for the best. So, going down the familiar, painful road is actually the more comfortable choice.

  In my very early twenties, I was on a double date with a friend. At the restaurant, my friend’s date proceeded to place his hand firmly on my thigh and slide it in a decidedly naughty direction. My friend was sitting next to him while I was across the table, so this was clearly not a case of mistaken identity. I didn’t want to make a scene, so I dragged my friend to the bathroom where I broke the uncomfortable news to her. Her response wasn’t what I had expected (which was to dump the douchebag). She told me point blank, ‘I believe you but I just have to see for myself, Melody. After all, he could be THE ONE.’

  At the time, I didn’t understand emotions and beliefs the way I do now, so I just thought she was an idiot. Now, I can look back on this event with a
lot more compassion. My friend wasn’t ready to let go of her belief of unworthiness and needed to keep going down the road of dating douchebags, even though she intellectually knew it wouldn’t work out well. These were the only guys that would mirror back her low self-esteem (she was firmly stuck in the SHAME group) by seemingly needing her (fixing broken people is a way to serve others from a place of powerlessness), which allowed her to feel valuable. In her eyes, his straying hand actually represented a challenge. If she could now get him to choose her over me, it would prove her value to herself.

  Note that even though my friend was not a stupid woman (despite what I thought at the time), and she even had a kind of intellectual understanding of what she was doing, her reaction was purely emotional. In fact, her emotional state caused her mind to come up with justifications for why she really had no choice but to go down that road. This is why we often react in ways that make no logical sense to us or others, why we engage in self-destructive behaviours and why we don’t keep our New Year’s resolutions. We simply don’t trust that what we want (a non-douchey guy who treats us nice, for example) can come about, so we ‘make do’ with what we have.

  The second reason that we choose the more painful road is that just about everyone carries the belief that pain or sacrifice is a good thing, as explained in the SHAME group. We think that pain will actually lead us to something we want, which causes us willingly to choose the negative road. We know we’re choosing a more painful path and that an easier way is available, but we figure any pain we experience now will be worth it later. This is the belief system that causes us to spend many horrible and torturous years in a job we hate, in the hope of then being rewarded for it at some later time, like in retirement or the afterlife. We trade suffering now for security later. Suffering and getting rewarded for it feels better to us than the idea of taking the easy way out and being punished for it later. We don’t consider the idea that we could flourish now AND thrive later to be a valid one.